hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
