My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
