we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
