The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
