i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
