Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
