just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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