To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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