THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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