I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My life is pants optional.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
