bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
then he tried to convert me to islam
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
