i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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