nut hugger
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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