I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
