god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Randomize
