i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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