I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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