oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
