the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
