margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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