I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
