He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
