i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
