i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
