Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
