Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
