why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
