This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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