her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
