I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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