Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
