He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
