I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
