If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
