I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
