I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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