Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
