the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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