I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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