Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
