apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
