You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
