she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
