remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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