My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
