she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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