I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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