she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
