I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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