dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
