Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
