Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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