tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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